The Jar Analogy

"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion) 12/12/2019 at 09:52 • Filed to: if you just give me a singer 911 everything will be ok

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a picture I accidentally took of my steering wheel this morning

Ever heard of the jar analogy? It comes in many forms, I’m sure, but it goes something like this:

Imagine you have a jar, and you start putting golf balls in it. Once you can’t fit any more golf balls in it, would you say it’s full? Sure, of course you would. No more golf balls can go in.

Then you grab some marbles and start putting them in the bucket. They’re small, so they fit between the golf balls and you find that you can actually fit a lot of them in there. So you keep filling it up until they reach the top. Now is the bucket full? You’re not so sure. But you can’t fit any more marbles in, so you say, with a little less conviction than before, “yes.”

You see where this is going?

Take a bag of dry sand and pour it over the marbles and golf balls. Shake the jar a bit to get it all down into the bottom. Fill it to the top. Is it full now?

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The point is, the jar is like your life. And the golf balls are some of the big things you have at any given phase of your life. School. Athletic pursuits. Friends. Travel plans. Your job. A significant other. It’s easy to feel like you don’t have any more room in your life for new things, but then something comes up. You go from school to work and suddenly you’re in the office 40+ hours a week instead of in class for 20. But you still do all the same things after work, it just takes a little more planning, and maybe a little less staying up ‘til 2am.

Then y ou get involved in a local charity that somehow you make fit into your life because it means so much to you. Or y ou get a pet. Or have kids. Or all of the above. Kids are one of the ultimate jar-fillers in life, in terms of filling up the space you didn’t know you had. They’re like pouring water into the sand-filled jar. No one can truly understand how much space kids will take up in your life, until you experience it.

But lots of things can be like that - an unexpected family tragedy, or job loss. A divorce. Or a wedding. Or the project car of your dreams. Somehow you make time, you make space in your life, where it felt full already. These are the things that pour water into the jar to fill up the imperceptible spaces between the grains of sand, until there is no more room, no more hours in the day, no more mental space to make. The analogy doesn’t usually go that far, but it does in my head. It’s supposed to be a positive message about how there’s always room, but taken to its logical conclusion, it can feel restricting.

This time of year it can really feel like my proverbial jar is full to the top, and all I can do is try to keep the jar from overflowing. I want to cap it but can’t find the lid. Work is busy, my coaching job is starting up for the season, I need to do First Aid and CPR recertifications; there are tons of holiday parties to juggle, birthdays, holidays, Christmas presents, vacation plans, and oh yeah the normal stuff like planning meals, grocery shopping, laundry, snow removal, firewood, house cleaning, car maintenance, and oh yeah making time for my wife and kids. I really struggle with this month sometimes.

I have to t ake a step back . Am I really maxed out? Planning ahead and being organized goes a long way toward keeping things under control. Asking for help, honest prioritization, and diligent time management are requirements, even if they’re not always my strengths. I can feel my anxiety start to get the better of me, until I look at a calendar, talk to my wife about the coming weeks, make a to-do list, start crossing things off, spend 15 minutes snuggling the kids on the couch, rinse and repeat.

I want to look back on the years when my kids were little, and remember how much fun we had with them. It can be hard to see it when I’m just trying to get the kids out the door 5 minutes earlier than usual so that my son can do his banking thing at school - which is ONLY from 8:00 to 8:10 and only on Thursdays . But it’s worth it. J ust when you think you ca n’t fit anything more, you’re wrong. Toss in a drop of food coloring, and again, suddenly, magically, you can see how there’s always room for more color in your life.

Cash Rewards > functionoverfashion 12/12/2019 at 09:59

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This is a good write up, and some sorely needed right now. Thanks

LimitedTimeOnly @ opposite-lock.com > functionoverfashion 12/12/2019 at 10:03

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I think that this analogy leads to needed to reassess and “take golf balls out” in order to fit new big things in. I don’t see kids as something one squeezes in, although I don’t think that was your intended point. In my case, when I have a dog, I spend a LOT of time keeping the dog trained, exercised and enjoying doing things with the dog. I’ve written before about having to shuffle priorities, so my point (and I think that we agree) is simply that sometimes one really can reach the limit of what one is able to participate in, and something may need to be taken out, whether it is a large item or a bunch of small ones.

Related: I had a civil engineering professor who liked to tell the golf ball story, then ask what the point was, and provide what I still find to be an amusing and helpful twist. When people said, “There is always room for more,” he would say, “No, that if you want to fit the big things in, then they have to go in first.” His point was about planning design and constructability - if the golf balls need to be in the jar, you can’t start by filling it with sand! I think it extends to life, as well.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > functionoverfashion 12/12/2019 at 10:03

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I was introduced to the jar at a training week for my job. I liked it, but all of that stuff is basically the same shit.

Ultimately, no matter what mental image or theory you prescribe to, at the end of the day organization and hard work are key

functionoverfashion > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 12/12/2019 at 10:06

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Totally agree. I don’t like the jar thing as it relates to work, that comes across as management telling you to do more with less, or at least that’s my experience.

But your last point is spot-on.

One thing that’s missing for sure is taking shit OUT of the jar. It’s messy, literally and figuratively, but has to be done. So... like anything else, it has limitations. 

Jim Spanfeller > functionoverfashion 12/12/2019 at 10:06

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Children are like farts. You’re proud of your own, but everyone else’s are gross!

Okay, maybe I shouldn’t make analogies.

functionoverfashion > LimitedTimeOnly @ opposite-lock.com 12/12/2019 at 10:08

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I like the thing about fitting the big things first. And you’re right, shit has to come out of the jar from time to time, whatever that might be. But then, I got back into mountain biking just after my second kid was born. But yeah, the same “golf balls” aren’t staying in there forever, most likely.

As an example, w hen I was 22, I’d estimate 75% of my energy was spent in pursuit of girls.

Thomas Donohue > functionoverfashion 12/12/2019 at 10:12

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I could make room in my life for this car. Who needs a house?

How dare you insinuate that you’d street-park your Singer. How dare you!

Poor_Sh > functionoverfashion 12/12/2019 at 10:15

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Not sure I've heard this before but I love analogies and this is cool. Problem is my jar feels like it's full of sand when really there's like 1 tennis ball that shouldn't fit just crammed in there. 

functionoverfashion > Thomas Donohue 12/12/2019 at 10:18

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Eh. Street parking on my street is probably safer than a lot of people’s garages. We get about 2 cars per day by our house, including the mail delivery. 

Thomas Donohue > functionoverfashion 12/12/2019 at 10:20

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If you sold your house, I don’t think they’d let you sleep out front in a cardboard box.  Then again, you may have very understanding neighbors.

functionoverfashion > Poor_Sh 12/12/2019 at 10:20

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Like any analogy, it’s imperfect. But it can be played with, too, like you did. I could say I’d really like to get rid of that golf ball that’s on the bottom, but it’d make a big mess. Like selling your house, moving ... that’s like taking a golf ball off the bottom.

functionoverfashion > Jim Spanfeller 12/12/2019 at 10:21

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That’s brilliant. And also, my kids have started to get really offended when I fart. But of course, theirs  are funny. To them. 

Thisismydisplayname > functionoverfashion 12/12/2019 at 10:22

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You forgot the most important part of that story.  After you get the sand in there, you crack a beer and pour it in....  lesson being, no matter how much is going on, there’s always room for a beer.

Poor_Sh > functionoverfashion 12/12/2019 at 11:00

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Yup exactly. Sometimes I wanna toss the jar off a cliff and go buy a new one. 

functionoverfashion > Thomas Donohue 12/12/2019 at 11:03

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One of my neighbors is the one whose parents have an 80's 911 convertible with < 100,000 miles on it. He has it from time to time. I got to drive it this fall. He’d understand.

functionoverfashion > Thisismydisplayname 12/12/2019 at 11:04

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Oh snap, that’s a much better way to finish that off. Consider that idea stolen... I mean, integrated into my understanding of the analogy.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Thisismydisplayname 12/12/2019 at 11:24

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To beer!  The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems!

Thisismydisplayname > functionoverfashion 12/12/2019 at 11:32

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It wasn’t my presentation, but I heard about it, figured I’d pass it along.

functionoverfashion > Snuze: Needs another Swede 12/12/2019 at 11:50

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Great Simpsons line right there. 

ZHP Sparky, the 5th > functionoverfashion 12/12/2019 at 12:07

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It’s good to accept that you have priorities and limitations, and think through them. Having a kid has been the most amazing 18 months of my life thus far, but it has also been one of the most exhausting. Like you said – they take up SO much time, and you still manage to do everything else…it feels a bit overwhelming sometimes.

I often tell my wife that my weekends feel like there’s zero downtime – there are so many things to get done that I’m always running from one thing to another and there’s always a mental list I’m working through, and then the work week starts. She is good about reminding me that I don’t need to take it on all myself, or all at once – if some of those things on the list don’t get done the world will still keep spinning and everything will be fine. I guess it’s in my nature to do everything I can, especially if it means making things easier for my wife and kid. But it’s important to think about our own well-being as well I suppose. Something I’ve been trying to focus on.

Thankful I can take a good chunk of time off over the holidays, and I’m going to resist the temptation to fill it with projects and to instead spend time with the family first and foremost, and some chill time for myself – anything else that isn’t an existential necessity will have to simply fit in around that if I can get to it.

functionoverfashion > ZHP Sparky, the 5th 12/12/2019 at 12:59

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All true, and so familiar to me as well. I have had to shift my thinking to “what is the ONE important thing that must get done this weekend, and what will happen if it doesn’t get done?” And only if it TRULY must get done, will I actually declare that it must. Everything else is optional, and second to spending time with the kids. 

It’s been said that the key to happiness is realistic expectations.